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3 ways Trauma is affecting your Love Life and why: By: Larica Urbina, LPC

Updated: Oct 29, 2023


Ever get defensive, annoyed, or somehow triggered by something your partner says or does? Come closer let me tell you a secret...your brain is crafty at hiding traumatic and bad memories and what is happening is, you have been triggered by your partner. This trigger then sparked up a past memory (emotion) and you are unconsciously referencing material from your past. This strong emotional responses you are noticing can be triggered by something your partner did or said. It almost always tells us that we have unfinished business, something we have not worked through. Our past has not been healed. This informs us that maybe that trigger that caused the break down in communication problems between you and your partner is rooted in your past. It would be helpful to start taking inventory of what situations caused discord (or evoke a strong emotional response from you). Knowing this can be great information to process with a therapist.

Trust No One:

Find yourself checking his social, or sneaking to find out who she follows? Obsessing over what time he gets off work, because "he should be at home right now?" For no good reason, its as if you are looking for evidence that confirms your parter is a dirt bag.

It's likely that at some point in your life, your trust was broken or you suffered a loss, an attachment wound. This trauma ignites your hyper vigilance. It fuels your anxiety and mistrust and suddenly you start thinking and acting as though "every guy will leave you" and this happens in each relationship you have over and over and over. Trauma associated with an attachment wound, relationship loss or void early on, can break down the development of confidence, security, and self esteem in people. Causing skeptical behavior, making a suspicious lover. If this is you, try to find out what your attachment style is. Finding secure love is important. Doing some investigation about yourself just might be the key to letting go of this habit of not trusting in relationships.

You Gotta be Hard:

We all talk about wanting to live the #softlife, but we keep giving #hardlife in our actions and words. Especially in relationships. Listen Sis, your trauma has become your identity when you won't let your guy open the car door for you. Don't let that be you.

Trauma taught you that being open and honest with your partner is a sign of weakness. I am here to tell you it lied. The lie your mom told you about cooking for a guy before you are married to him is bad, is also, in my humble opinion, a lie. The idea that you can't let your guard down with these women, is actually robbing you of the opportunity of a potential authentic love with fulfillment. This way of thinking and behaving is a trauma response which developed the moment you became angry or dissatisfied in your previous relationship, or somewhere in your childhood. Sadly, the "I gotta be hard." personality is sneaky and conniving, as many families pass this ideology down generations. If you're having this way of thinking and behaving, it might be worth seeing a counselor who focuses in on trauma and relationships. This could provide you with the tools you need to prosper in relationships.

Texas residents:

If you aren't afraid of diving into your trauma and correcting your ideas and beliefs as it relates to love and relationships, contact me, I would be happy to help you improve in this area.
Email me at
Let's schedule a free 15 minute consultation for counseling
I would like to see you kick trauma to the curb.

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