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4 Common Communication styles to avoid when trying to make your relationship last.

Some people might say that the best part about being with someone is the connection felt when you think, "this person just gets me." It is that perfect intimacy experienced when your person just understands you. Unfortunately, Relationships are not perfect, and there are sometimes when there are breaks in communication for one reason or another. These breaks in communications will feel like a trap. Even worse, it can make the relationship feel like war.


Here are four easy to spot communications traps that you can avoid the next time you are met with conflict within your relationship.


Mind-Reading

This is when you assume that your partner knows what you are thinking or feeling.

Instead take advantage of the oppurtunity to clearly express how you are feeling and what you are thinking. You can start by saying, "When you said _____ I thought you meant______." or another example is "I feel ______ when _______." and "I am disappointed because I did not hear from you today." Using feelings words to describe your feelings to your partner, is powerful. Doing this can be a Segway towards inviting your partner to share more about what your partner thinks and feels.


Stonewalling

If you find yourself shutting down and refusing to say anything at all during a disagreement. You might be feeling the urge to engage in "Stonewalling" behavior. For one reason or another, you may find yourself at a lost for words. If this is you, consider that not speaking to your partner can leave your partner in limbo. Leaving your partner to began thinking whatever thoughts he or she might have. Most of the time, negative thoughts take control.

Consider, asking your partner if you can take time out to think about what has happened. You might even consider coming up with a word you bother agree means you need a "break". You will use the word to signal to your partner I need a break.

Additionally, you can paraphrase what the issue is, for example: "I know you are disappointed because of what I have done, and I trust me, I want to work through this issue, but I need time to think about how to solve this issue."


Invalidation

You may not know this but, what is important to you, may not be important to your partner. This might come as a shock because your partner is your perfect person. He or she just gets you. I would like for you to consider that, for example, it might not be important for your partner to fold clothes after doing laundry.

Dismissing your partner's feelings and beliefs will lead to a trap of resentment.

Even thought you may not feel that thier complaints are valid or just not at the top of your list of priorities. Do your relationship a favor and honor your partners feelings, thoughts and beliefs by validating their needs and desires. Be sure to communicate your emotions and perspective. The success comes when you and your partner have mastered the art of agreeing to disagree while continuing to coexist.


Overgeneralizing

This is the kiss of death. Not really. Overgeneralizing is when we use one or two behaviors observed and decide that our partner always behaves this way and or never does it your way. For example, you might have said, "why do you always do _____". "You never do ______". Even if it is true about them, overgeneralizing will lead your relationship into a trap.

The key here is to avoid causing your partner to feel defective. Because when your partner feels defective, or as if they are not pleasing you, and something is wrong with them. This will trigger defensiveness. If your partner feels attacked, you might as well forget about coming to a common ground because now you should prepare for war. Instead, focus on praising each behavior that your partner does that you love. When all else fails, communicate to he or she about what makes your happy. For example. "I really loved it when you washed my car that day."








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